I have spent the day procrastinating, finding other things to do rather than sit down and write. What am I so scared of? What is it that I don’t want to face? It is fear, fear of standing out, fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of condemnation and fear of rejection and fear of getting it wrong. It feels so heavy just sitting here and acknowledging the games my mind play, which paralysis me with thoughts like, ” Who do you think you are? Why would people even bother reading what you write? What if you are wrong? What makes you think your readings, research and insights are interesting? BUT then I call on God and hear Spirit of Wisdom and I hear, “I am with you.” and I read Wisdom 715 May God grant me to speak as he would wish and conceive thoughts worthy of the gifts I have received, since he is both guide to Wisdom and director of sages. Reading this sentence I am entering into the next stage of life becoming the Sage and I want to be directed by both God and the Spirit of Wisdom. A sage as stated in the in the Collins Dictionary is a person who is regarded as being very wise and knowledgable especially as a result of a lot of experience. Synonyms are philosopher, expert, authority or expert. So tonight I write with trepidation and resolve. I have worked over the last 35 plus years firstly as a Registered Nurse, then a Registered Counsellor along side being a Community Care Pastor and a Minister of Religion, an accredited trainer, having taught over 900 students in Counselling or Community welfare work and have had the honour of taking students on Pilgrimages to Israel and Greece and undertaken 2 personal life changing Pilgrimages. I have a Masters in Pastoral Counselling, I have spoken at International, receive royalties for some training and I have life experience and yet I still feel like I am a fraud. Imposter syndrome has kicked in! Can I really do this! Can I question the dominant paradigm and world constructs that form the matrix of the society we live in? And yet the little quiet voice inside me, says “if not you, who? ” I re-read Wisdom 7 and my courage strengthens and my soul starts to bubble up with joy, as this journey is one of freedom and excitement. Where we can embrace our spirituality and arise from our slumber, celebrate the solstice, the different seasons, the stars above and embrace the power of spirits and human mental processes and the medical properties of plants. It is time for us ALL to arise like sleeping beauty. For too long we have been asleep, and ensnarled by the brambles and thorns of fear. As I step out in faith and allow my spiritual eyes and ears to hear, my world expands.
Wisdom Chapter 7. I too am mortal like everyone else, a descendant of the first man formed from the earth. I was modelled in flesh inside a mother’s womb, 2 where, for ten months, in blood I acquired substance — the result of virile seed and pleasure, sleep’s companion.3 I too, when I was born, drew in the common air, I fell on the same ground that bears us all, and crying was the first sound I made, like everyone else.4 I was nurtured in swaddling clothes, with every care.5 No king has known any other beginning of existence;6 for there is only one way into life, and one way out of it.7 And so I prayed, and understanding was given me; I entreated, and the spirit of Wisdom came to me.8 I esteemed her more than sceptres and thrones; compared with her, I held riches as nothing.9 I reckoned no precious stone to be her equal, for compared with her, all gold is a pinch of sand, and beside her, silver ranks as mud.10 I loved her more than health or beauty, preferred her to the light, since her radiance never sleeps.11 In her company all good things came to me, and at her hands incalculable wealth. 12 All these delighted me, since Wisdom brings them, though I did not then realise that she was their mother.13 What I learned diligently, I shall pass on liberally, I shall not conceal how rich she is.14 For she is to human beings an inexhaustible treasure, and those who acquire this win God’s friendship, commended to him by the gifts of instruction.15 May God grant me to speak as he would wish and conceive thoughts worthy of the gifts I have received, since he is both guide to Wisdom and director of sages;16 for we are in his hand, yes, ourselves and our sayings, and all intellectual and all practical knowledge.17 He it was who gave me sure knowledge of what exists, to understand the structure of the world and the action of the elements,18 the beginning, end and middle of the times, the alternation of the solstices and the succession of the seasons,19 the cycles of the year and the position of the stars,20 the natures of animals and the instincts of wild beasts, the powers of spirits and human mental processes, the varieties of plants and the medical properties of roots.21 And now I understand everything, hidden or visible, for Wisdom, the designer of all things, has instructed me.22 For within her is a spirit intelligent, holy, unique, manifold, subtle, mobile, incisive, unsullied, lucid, invulnerable, benevolent, shrewd,23 irresistible, beneficent, friendly to human beings, steadfast, dependable, unperturbed, almighty, all-surveying, penetrating all intelligent, pure and most subtle spirits.24 For Wisdom is quicker to move than any motion; she is so pure, she pervades and permeates all things.25 She is a breath of the power of God.