Goals I have not achieved

As I sit here on New Year’s Eve, I find that I can look at all the things that have been chaotic and heart-rendering or I can choose to see the good that this year has delivered. I am grateful for the lessons learnt, the achievements obtained and the wisdom I gained through acknowledging my disappointments and my pain. As I read the first day of my 2021 journal and look at the 5 goals that I set, I could look through a critical lens which will only make me feel like I have failed.  No, I have not lost weight. No, I have not finished my book, NO, I have not traveled and No, I have not run online workshops but YES, all 4 of my Children are happy.  As family is my top value, I am delighted that this goal has been achieved.

In 2021 I have learnt to counting my blessings.  For many of us the last 2 years has been a holding pattern, it has been hard to set and achieve goals, because we don’t know what changes will be implemented in this new world. We have had to learn to live on a day-to-day basis, looking at what we can do today and trusting in the decisions we make for the future. 

So at the beginning of this year I also started a Spiritual journal and wrote from my heart and soul. Setting goals in a totally new way, I wrote a letter to myself to read tonight, New Year’s Eve. This way is so much kinder and gentler. I can celebrate who I am. I am inspired to continue my journey of living my “best life.” 

Good morning beautiful, loving, kind  Lyn,

Please stop. Connect to your body and spirit. You have a great mind, but you have been programmed to live there and value that. You have stopped listening to your spirit and your body.  Start nurturing your spirituality, invest into personal growth and self -care, have more fun, connect with family and friends. Remember to do the things you love.  Stop self-protecting and start living. Trust God that His ways are higher. Be bold, have your voice. Live the life you want to live. Stop worrying about what other people think. Use your voice and allow the pen to write. Stop judging and follow your dreams.  

In January 2020 I started to worry, it had been 28 years since The Angel’s visit, and all the 7 moments in time now made sense, so what now? It was with a feeling of doom that I realised that I felt lost, I had no direction!  It was scary. I had lost my confidence, now I felt timed, thoughts of “could I and should I” haunted me. I never realised just how blessed I was; to have lived 28 years with a life road map to help guide me when decisions needed to be made and opportunities arose. Those pictures helped me to live my destiny.  When the time came to consider moving away from my parents and family, the arial view of driving from Melbourne to the Sunshine Coast helped give me the reassurance that this was in fact part of my future. Little did I know that when I hoped in the car to drive by myself with my 2yr old daughter and a three and half year-old son, that all my family, except my twin, would all follow me and relocate here. We all live within 30 minutes of each other.  Yes, I did say drive myself with 2 little ones, unfortunately Steve had to stay in Melbourne a little longer, the job he was working on had been extended. I enjoyed a little road trip stopping along the way at motels and visiting family in Orange and then on the Gold Coast. Just writing and remembering this trip, I have surprised myself with the amount of courage and confidence I had. Or should I say lack of fear?  I want to live like that again, living by faith not letting fear roar. 

These last two years I have been timid and quiet, I have hibernated. This has not been a COVID thing, it was simply I was lost, and I needed to find myself again. I needed to know my next stage of life. I needed to find the way through this, as I wanted to then be able to teach and help others what I had learnt during my “Dark Night of the Soul” so they too could rise like a Phoenix, because I have come to understand, we all have our dark nights that we all must journey through. To the outside world I have been hibernating, but my spiritual self has learnt to let go of ego, fear, pride and hurt. I have healed wounds from my childhood, I have sought forgiveness and have forgiven. I have silenced fear… (well, turned it down low) and I have a new life map to guide me.

One picture I have been given is me as an 83 years old, and I have published 7 books, people are sitting and listening to me read. I have inspired and taught them. This vision shows I am on the right path, I will still write my book, No I did not finish it this year as per my mind’s goals, but I did achieve my heart and souls goals. 

And just as the Phoenix rose from the ashes, she too will rise. Returning from the flames, clothed in nothing but her strength, more beautiful than ever before” Shannen Heartz. 

3 thoughts on “Goals I have not achieved

  1. We have so much strength and yet we forget what a powerful woman we are capable of being. May the blank canvas of 2022 be filled with these moments where we feel alive, powerful and fulfilled.

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